The Wings We Lack
by Heslen
Summary: Because Skulduggery isn't an angel, and he sure as heck isn't a butterfly. But who says you need wings to fly? This story owes a lot to MehScrewIt, thank you for allowing me to take an idea from your work. I don't own Skulduggery Pleasant.
1. To Need a Reason

~The Wings We Lack~

Valkyrie ducked her head under the spray, then reached out with a sigh and stilled the flow of warm water with the twist of a knob. She stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. Relishing the softness of the blue material against her skin, Valkyrie sighed again, this time out of contentment. It had been too long since she'd showered in her own home.

Over the past two weeks, she and Skulduggery had been tracking a murderer in Northern Ireland. Her reflection had handled school and home duties as usual, but Valkyrie hadn't seen her parents for a fortnight until today. Skulduggery had brought her back to his house on the single occasion they'd returned to the Sanctuary for backup - Ernest Fraud was remarkably violent, even for the Skeleton Detective - but they hadn't had time to visit Haggard. And so Valkyrie hadn't paid a visit to her shower for weeks. Very upsetting.

She towelled herself off, finally relaxing her muscles. She pulled on fresh pyjamas and ran a brush through her dripping hair, then ambled back to her bedroom, checking on her sleeping sister as she passed. A smile lifted the corners of Valkyrie's mouth. It was good to be home.

Valkyrie hummed quietly to herself as she headed into her bedroom, swinging the door closed with her foot. She brushed her hair over her shoulder, leaving a damp spot on her pyjama top. Slipping off her necromancer ring, she turned to place it on the bedside table and jumped. Her bed was occupied.

"What are you doing here?" she asked Skulduggery, the first question that came to mind.

He looked around. "I appear to be ... sitting on your bed."

"Yes, that sounds right." Valkyrie moved to join him atop the quilt.

"Your powers of observation continue to serve you well."

"You're funny," she deadpanned, tucking her legs up comfortably.

"I know. Those are lovely pyjamas."

Valkyrie looked at him sideways. "Thank you. I would make a comment about your suit, but it's exactly the same as the one you wore yesterday."

He chuckled softly, and they sat in silence for a moment, just listening to the steady drip of Valkyrie's wet hair, the television playing downstairs, the faint sounds of Alice's breathing from across the hall. Valkyrie looked over to see Skulduggery watching her gently. She met his gaze, and he didn't look away.

"Did you want something? Or did you just miss me too much to let me go for more than an hour?"

"On the contrary, I thought you might be lonely without me. See how thoughtful I am?"

"Will you stop answering all my questions with questions?"

"Why? I find it enjoyable."

"How hard is it to give a straight answer? Is there something you aren't telling me?" she asked, honestly curious.

"Clearly. If there wasn't, you wouldn't be asking anything."

"Huh." Valkyrie took a moment to ponder that. "Fair enough." She checked her watch. 9:27. Early enough, but later than Skulduggery usually dropped around. "I take it you're not just here to say hello."

He shrugged. "It looks as though I have nothing else to do tonight."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.

"How are you, after that last case?" Skulduggery asked, relaxing against her pillows.

She hesitated. "I'm alright. Fraud didn't hurt me, but it was kind of ... disturbing."

Skulduggery nodded. "I thought you might want some distraction." He paused a second. "The stars are bright tonight."

Valkyrie admitted she hadn't really looked. She stood up and wandered to the window, finding herself gazing skyward with Skulduggery's hand on the small of her back. She turned to agree, tell him that the stars were bright tonight, but he interrupted.

"Valkyrie? Do you ... do you want to come flying?"

Her heart leapt. _Flying._ "Love to," she answered breezily. "Why?"

Skulduggery's head tilted gently to the side. "Do we need a reason?"

A smile graced her face. "No," she told him, as he tucked his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. "No, we don't."


	2. Fallen

The moon hung in the sky, white against the darkness of night. Valkyrie's bedroom window was open as wide as it would go. Skulduggery stood on the windowsill, waiting, as Valkyrie crouched in the window to pass instructions to her reflection.

"Just go to bed, I suppose," she told it. "Mum and Dad won't expect you to spend time with them or anything. We should be back before morning. Have a good sleep."

Valkyrie pivoted and stood. Skulduggery stepped out into mid air and hovered there, holding his arms out for his partner. She reached for him and he lifted her away from the house, and then they were soaring.

Her house grew smaller and smaller and then was lost somewhere in the other houses, and then they were higher and further away and even Haggard was gone, and it was as though they drifted in amongst the very stars themselves.

Valkyrie didn't look back.

...

There was something _about_ flying. A severely claustrophobic person, Valkyrie couldn't get enough of the wide open skies. The air rushed around them, whipping Valkyrie's hair around her face and doing an excellent job of drying it, flapping Skulduggery's tie wildly, carrying her laughter away before it reached him. He knew she was laughing, though, and although the wind whistled past the as they swooped through the night, nothing could pass between the skeleton in his finely tailored suit and the girl in the lilac pastel pyjamas.

It was hard to tell how long they flew for. Valkyrie didn't dare release her arms from where they were clamped around Skulduggery's neck to check the time, but eternities blinked by as she twisted to look upwards, watching the stars pass overhead. Beneath them lay Ireland in all its splendour.

The sensation was indescribable. Watching the ground and the stars and the sky rush past him, Skulduggery was almost grateful for his months stranded in the alternate dimension. Almost. At least the time hadn't been completely wasted. Flying and crumbling through walls were handy tricks when it came to detective work, not to mention Valkyrie's passion for flying.

Eventually, the howl of the wind lessened slightly as the pair's altitude declined. Valkyrie shouted something but the wind ripped away her words before they reached Skulduggery. She turned her head to watch the stars fall away far, far above. Skulduggery leaned close and spoke directly into her ear.

"I want to try something."

She yelped in surprise, not expecting for his voice to be so close, but nodded. Skulduggery took a moment, then released his control of the air.

A second passed.

And then they were falling, falling.

Valkyrie shrieked unashamedly as they streaked towards the earth. Her hair streamed straight upwards and her pyjamas billowed, caught in the mad rush of air. They plummeted, and the ground hurtled up to meet them. The thrill was mind-blowing. Valkyrie watched in delighted terror as they raced toward the ground, and suddenly she could see exactly where they would meet the earth and be crushed by the pressure of their own momentum.

Such fun.

The pair of them dropped like a stone towards a gentle slope of a hill, and now they were so close she could make out individual blades of grass in the bright moonlight, and still they shot earthwards, showing no sign of stopping. At last, though, maybe three seconds before the fatal impact, Skulduggery gripped Valkyrie tighter and they slowed swiftly. The whistling wind died away and her shriek echoed, her stomach sinking a little from the velocity change.

Skulduggery lowered them gently to the grass and she flopped in a heap, exhausted, despite doing almost nothing. Valkyrie panted hard as she lay on the grass, staring sightlessly at the sky she'd just fallen from. Her breathing slowed.

"I'm not sure why you're so tired," Skulduggery grumbled as he sat smoothly beside her. "I did all the work."

"Still ... waiting -" gasp - "for stomach -" gasp - "to catch up."

"If you're going to be sick, give me some prior warning so that I can retreat to a safe distance."

Speechless, trying to control her breathing, Valkyrie waved aside his concerns. She just needed a moment to recover.

It took a minute, but eventually she propped herself up on her elbows, breathing steadily, and looked around. "Where are we, exactly?"

"An excellent question."

"Are you going to answer it?"

"Hmm," Skulduggery paused for a moment, his head tilted. "No, I don't think I will."

"Why not?"

He hesitated, fiddling with the brim of his hat.

Valkyrie frowned, and then glared at him. "You don't actually know where we are, do you?"

"Not as such, no."

"What's that meant to mean?" Valkyrie threw her hands up.

"It means..." Skulduggery hesitated delicately. "I know _where_ we are. I know we are in Ireland. I know we're on a hill."

"But not where this hill is."

"You could look at it that way," he admitted.

"So... we're lost?"

"Just a bit," agreed Skulduggery. "But look on the bright side."

"What bright side?"

"You have me," he pointed out. "At least for you, that's a good thing."

"Hey!"

"I brought cookies."

"Skulduggery, I completely and absolutely forgive you."

"Excellent," he told her.

They moved a little higher up the slope, to a spot where the grass was spongier and more comfortable. Valkyrie dug into the cookies. Together, they sat and watched the stars light up the night.


	3. Dawn

Magic was capable of incredible things. Valkyrie had seen visions of the future, she'd shared conversations with her own reflection, and just minutes earlier she'd soared amongst the constellations. She could throw fire, move the air, manipulate shadows and give a skeleton a face with the brush of a finger over bone. But nothing was more magical than the moment that Skulduggery reached a hand under his ribcage and produced a new bag of cookies. Her eyes widened to a comical degree and her breath caught.

"Are those - _triple__ chocolate?"_

"I do my best to serve."

"No you don't. You do your best to annoy me to death. Now pass me a cookie."

"Say please."

Valkyrie turned imploring eyes on her partner. "Skulduggery, dearest of skeletons, already the bringer of the most divine biscuits -"

"I didn't ask for the puppy eyes. You don't have to beg, either."

"- indulge your generosity and give me another cookie, or so help me I won't talk to you for a week."

"A more luxurious promise I cannot imagine."

"Skulduggery, please pass me a cookie."

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

She glared, and he remained impassive, and she glared more, and he chuckled. A gloved hand fished in the bag and withdrew a chocolaty treat. Skulduggery tossed the cookie towards Valkyrie, and she jammed it in her mouth and sank her teeth into it.

The biscuit was as divine as she's said earlier. It was a chewy cookie, not crunchy, and the sugary goodness filled her mouth. Before she knew it, Valkyrie had devoured the whole thing, and she craved more. She looked hopefully towards Skulduggery. He was watching her with his head cocked slightly. When he spoke, his voice was slightly wistful.

"I've never tried one of those."

Valkyrie's jaw dropped. "You've never tried a chocolate chip cookie? Oh my God! You haven't lived yet!"

His head tilted sharply towards her, and she instantly regretted her words, although she couldn't put her finger on why exactly. She kept babbling. "I mean, it's a choc chip cookie! _Everyone's _tried a choc chip cookie!"

Skulduggery nodded sagely. "I haven't. I remember when they became popular, but I was long dead by then."

Valkyrie was mute in her horror. Everyone deserved to try a chocolate chip cookie. She was honestly upset now, but still she was stunned at the tears that clouded her vision.

He ignored her, a skill that he found quite useful at times. "There are lots of foods I've never eaten that I would like to, and many more I'm rather glad I haven't. Of everything, though, I think that the one I'm missing out on most is the triple chocolate cookie." He regarded her for a moment. "Tell me, was it good?"

"Mouth-watering," she replied fervently. "Are you sure there's nothing you can do to taste? It doesn't work on your teeth, does it?"

A glum head shake was her response. Valkyrie quietened for a moment, blinking back the traitorous tears. She still wasn't sure why she was reacting this way.

"That's..." she faltered. This was not something they discussed. "That's really sad, actually."

Skulduggery shrugged. "In exchange for chocolate chip cookies, I get to be the world's only living skeleton. It's quite a gratifying position."

"Gratifying how?"

"Well, my enemies quiver before me."

"I think that's because of me, actually."

"Well, they quiver before _us_ then."

"Very true," Valkyrie nodded. "Very true."

She finished off her second bag of cookies that night. Skulduggery watched her, shaking his head.

"What would your mother say?" he mused. "Would she be pleased that I am stuffing her daughter full of calories at all hours of the night?"

"_All _hours?" Valkyrie perked up. "You have more cookies?"

He ignored her. Again. "I think she would not. And that is why I do not have more cookies for you."

She grumbled, and he laughed at her, stretching out to watch the sky again.

Watch check. 11:46pm. Valkyrie covered a yawn with the back of her hand. Skulduggery appeared to be meditating, but it was hard to tell. He lay very still, facing the stars. Flopping back onto the spongy grass, Valkyrie yawned again. Her sugar rush had run out, leaving her suddenly exhausted. It was getting kind of chilly, too. Lucky thing the ground wasn't damp, or she'd be freezing. Valkyrie ignited a small flame in the palm of her hand, and that warmed her.

In only moments, she was asleep.

...

Dawn unfurled in the east, billows of gold and rose and every shade in between reaching out across the sky. Birds chirruped and sang, and Valkyrie woke drowsily as Skulduggery argued with a man who had appeared on the hill.

Valkyrie sat bolt upright.

This wasn't good.

Now that she was awake and alert, she could hear what they were saying.

"-get in here, anyway?" shouted the unknown man. He had a ruddy face and thick, messy hair. He looked angry, and there was something about him that screamed _mortal._ Valkyrie doubted he had magic.

"We didn't realise it was private property," Skulduggery replied smoothly.

"Why are you even here?"

"We got lost," Valkyrie supplied. Skulduggery looked at her but said nothing.

"Lost," the man said doubtfully. "Here."

"Over that way, actually," Skulduggery pointed behind them. "Or was it that way?"

"No, no, that way," argued Valkyrie, pointing to the right. "Or maybe over there?"

The man watched in bewilderment as they pointed in four different directions.

"Quite lost, as you can see," Skulduggery told the man apologetically. He snapped out of it, shaking his head.

"I've had enough of you lunatics for one day. I'm calling the police." He turned away, whipped out a mobile phone, and did just that.

Valkyrie blinked. _Now_ they were in trouble.


	4. Dear Farmer Joe

It seemed that the man, who Valkyrie had started calling Farmer Joe, had received instructions from the police to stay put, just in case the two intruders were armed and dangerous. Valkyrie was okay with that, really. She didn't want to go down the hill to Farmer Joe's house, just in case he had a wife named Margaret. That would have been too much for one day.

The police didn't take long to arrive. Valkyrie was disappointed that there were no sirens or flashing lights, just a couple of cars and three bored-looking officers. They parked down the bottom of the hill and took their sweet time coming up, which Farmer Joe didn't look too pleased about. When they did arrive, though, Valkyrie was glad to be able to at least see what they looked like.

One of the men had a shaved head and a crooked nose. His uniform was neat and stiflingly pristine, and his bushy eyebrows drew flat lines across his forehead. The second man had crooked glasses and wore a hat, and was quite small. The third was a middle-aged woman with short blond hair and a square jaw. Valkyrie glanced to Skulduggery. His façade was up and he remained impassive. She did her best to adopt the expression. A few mortal police officers? No problem. They had faced infinitely worse.

"What's going on here?" asked the officer with the pristine uniform. "Who are you people? Explain yourselves, please."

"These lunatics have been trespassing, Officer," said Farmer Joe, bristling. "They think I'm stupid. Said they were 'lost'."

"We _are_ lost," Skulduggery protested. "We're not even sure which province we're in."

Valkyrie glared at him. "I didn't know we were _that_ lost."

"Lies!" shouted Farmer Joe. "This is private property!"

The woman held up a hand. "Enough," she said calmly. "My name is Officer Harvey. We're not here to listen to petty arguments, we're here to sort this out. Please give me your names."

Skulduggery sighed. "Alright. But before I say anything, I want you all to know that you're putting yourselves at risk by asking us to divulge that information."

Farmer Joe blinked. "She asked what your name was."

Officer Harvey watched them calmly. "Name, please, sir."

Skulduggery glanced at Valkyrie, who nodded. He spoke. "I am Detective Inspector Me."

"And your partner, Mr Me?"

"That is Detective Her."

"Okay, enough funny business," said the officer with the glasses. "Your real names, please."

"They are our real names," Valkyrie told him. She pointed to first Skulduggery, then herself. "Me. Her. Understand?"

Glasses shook his head. "No."

Farmer Joe glared at them. "Rubbish."

"Where? Officers, arrest this man for littering!" Skulduggery cried.

Valkyrie sighed. "I am Her. He is Me. It's very basic stuff."

"You say you're detectives," Officer Harvey interrupted smoothly. "Who do you work for? You aren't in uniform."

"We're private," Skulduggery told her. "Private, and undercover."

"Just pretend we're average citizens, though," Valkyrie continued. "We're not sure who sent the death threats to Madame Neveah, but they could be dangerous. Just by talking to us, you could be putting yourselves at risk."

"Who's Madame Neveah?"

"Never mind. I may have already said too much."

"Customer privacy," Skulduggery snapped at her. He turned to the policeman with the glasses. "Are we done here, Officer?"

"Officer Midwood," Glasses supplied. "And no, we are not. If we can't get this sorted out, Mr Me, we may have to take you in to the station."

"Detective, if you wouldn't mind, Officer," Skulduggery flashed a smile. "What's left to sort out?"

"I think you might be lying, sir," said the third officer, the one with the impeccable uniform. "I personally don't think your names are Her and Me."

"We could lie, if you want, and say our names are Frank and Bertha, but I thought the truth was a far more appropriate approach to such a matter."

"Tell it then!" shouted Farmer Joe. "None of this ridiculousness about Her and Me and Frank and Bertha."

"Sir, miss," began Officer Harvey, "So far you have lead us to believe that your names are Frank Me and Bertha Her. I find these names somewhat unlikely. If you could provide some identification, please?"

"Ah," said Skulduggery.

"Oh," said Valkyrie. She dug in her pockets, but of course she was wearing her lilac pyjamas, so she didn't have anything with her, not even a student card. "I have nothing on me at the moment. Detective Inspector Me?"

"I only had the cookies."

Farmer Joe made a big show of rolling his eyes and scoffing. "Officers, can't you detain these criminals? What part is unclear about this? They are trespassing!"

"We are detectives, and we're undercover, and we're on a case!" Valkyrie insisted. "We're very sorry we got lost in your field. See, we were in a car chase, except we didn't have a car, so we went off-road, but the meadows were quite flat, and the car was following us, until it suddenly wasn't. And it was very dark. And we aren't local. We traced a phone call to somewhere in this area, but we were side-tracked. In fact, our customer may be in mortal peril this very second."

"You're very young to be a detective, Ms Her," Officer Harvey observed. "How old are you, fifteen?"

"Got it in one, Officer."

"She's my niece," cut in Skulduggery. "My name is Gordon Me, and this is Stephanie Her. My sister's daughter. I'm her guardian."

Officer Midwood puffed his cheeks. "Finally, we're getting somewhere."

"And you see it fit to include your charge in what is clearly a dangerous business?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Skulduggery confirmed. "Stephanie is invaluable."

"I see," Officer Harvey said. She stepped back and put her hands on her hips. "Sir, you're going to have to come with us."

"Of course," Skulduggery smiled. "Lead on, Officers."

Valkyrie waved cheerily at Farmer Joe, and followed Skulduggery down the hill.


	5. Through the Door

The police car was clean, and smelled like it had been vacuumed. Valkyrie wasn't sure how she could label a smell as 'recently vacuumed', but she did, and that was that. The scent reminded her of Saturday afternoons when she was a child - Stephanie, as she had been then, would clean the sink, her mother would vacuum, and her father would polish the windows, pulling faces at her through the glass from the outside and making her laugh.

She briefly wondered how her parents were faring without their daughter, only a carbon copy.

They probably hadn't noticed.

She turned around to wave at Farmer Joe, who glared as the car pulled away from the hill. Truthfully, she had no idea how she and Skulduggery were going to get out of this one, but as long as nobody suddenly turned into a ninja or fell from the sky, she reckoned they'd be fine. They'd faced much, much worse than a few policemen and Farmer Joe.

The car headed left from Farmer Joe's property, and only Officer Midwood's coughing broke the silence. Valkyrie wanted to talk to Skulduggery, maybe see if he had any more cookies, but she didn't dare, knowing the police officers would be hanging onto her every word. Eventually, the complaining in her stomach got the better of her, and she poked the skeleton's arm.

_"Cookies?"_ she mouthed.

He shrugged back at her. _"Sorry, fresh out," _he mouthed back. Valkyrie crinkled her nose in disappointment, and her stomach rumbled.

"What's that?" asked Officer Harvey, over Midwood's coughing fit.

"I was just asking if Detective Inspector Me had any food," Valkyrie explained. Not a total lie.

"And I was just telling Detective Her that no, I don't," Skulduggery answered, flashing a smile. He turned to Valkyrie. _Façade,_ he mouthed, and her eyes widened in alarm. If Skulduggery's human face slipped away, they'd have a huge problem on their hands. When average mortals caught sight of magic, it didn't take much for the mages in PR to come and change their minds. Police officers were a different matter. As a rule, they were more perceptive, more alert, and more suspicious of being ushered around by authority. Valkyrie had no doubt that Geoffrey Scrutinous could convince the officers that they hadn't seen anything, but getting the officers to meet with him would be a bigger issue.

Conclusion? The mortal police could not be allowed to see through Skulduggery's disguise.

Skulduggery discreetly turned away and began winding his scarf around his face, leaving no gaps - a practised art. Valkyrie knew the policemen would have had some training related to ploys, so she tried to be as convincing as possible in her distraction.

"Is there anything to eat in this car? I'm half-starved. We couldn't stop at a diner somewhere, could we? I haven't seen any McDonalds, but there must be food somewhere, right? I don't suppose any of you carry mints or anything with you -"

"I have mint chewing gum," offered Officer Harvey. Valkyrie reached out gratefully, wishing Skulduggery had more cookies. The well-dressed policeman drove in silence, ignoring them all, and Officer Midwood continued to cough. It was getting a little worrying.

Skulduggery, equipped with sunglasses, scarf, and hat, nodded to Valkyrie, who sat back and chewed on her gum. Her stomach grumbled loudly, and she could just feel Skulduggery's smirk.

It took them about 20 minutes to reach the police station. They said they couldn't give Valkyrie anything to eat without identification, but someone fetched her a plastic cup of water, which stilled the gnawing in her stomach. Skulduggery accepted water too, but he tipped his into Valkyrie's empty cup. She downed the extra water and scrunched the cup in her hand, relishing the feel of splintering plastic in her fist. Just one of her small violent tendencies.

Valkyrie scanned the room for a bin. She and Skulduggery were in something akin to the lobby of the police station. They weren't guarded, exactly, but people milled around the room. It would be impossible to get up and leave through the door.

_Which leaves the window._


	6. Now We Wait

Valkyrie liked to think of herself as an _action_ kind of person. Her thing was fighting, hitting monsters and criminals, stopping bad guys, saving the world. It was her _thing,_ it was what she _did._ And she didn't do it by sitting around drinking water in plastic cups.

Yet here she sat. And behold, a plastic cup of water. Joy.

_Good timing at least, _Valkyrie thought gloomily. _If we were stuck here while we were meant to be stopping Armageddon, things would be a little worse. At least there's no emergency._ There. She'd looked on the bright side, and now it was time to go back to being miserable. Valkyrie ached to just _leave,_ but she could hardly do that with all the police around here (not through the door, at least), and besides, Skulduggery was gone. It was likely he was either trying to secure ID for them, or he was being interrogated. Neither option seemed likely to get the detectives out of there, though, which meant Valkyrie had to take things into her own hands. But how?

There lay the problem.

The first step, Valkyrie decided, was to figure out where Skulduggery was, and what he was doing. That would allow her to figure out what to do next.

_La de da._

Minutes later, no Skulduggery had appeared, so Valkyrie groaned inwardly and stood up. She wandered towards the desk on the far wall, hoping it was a reception area, where someone might know what was going on.

There was a young man sitting behind the desk, typing away on a computer that hid most of his face. He swung around to talk to her, and revealed blue eyes, glasses, and a friendly smile. "Yes?"

"My name is Stephanie Her, and I was brought here about an hour ago with my uncle, Gordon Me..." she began, and then trailed off, not sure what to say. "Um, I've been sitting here since then and nobody's talked to me or said anything, and I went to get some water and when I came back, my uncle was gone, and I'm not sure -?"

"Gordon Me?" The young man did some typing. "Looks like he's with one Officer Midwood, and they're using the phone in room B12. Why were you brought here?"

"Well, there was something about trespassing, and then Officer Midwood wanted identification from us, and we didn't have any, so we were brought here, and now I don't know _what's_ going on."

"Maybe they're trying to contact family members who can bring some ID for you," said the man kindly. "Are you a minor?"

"Yes. I'm 15."

"You won't need any then. Your uncle -"

"Stephanie?" It was the well-dressed policeman from Farmer Joe's place, and his eyes locked on her. He beckoned.

"Thanks," she said awkwardly to the receptionist guy, and turned to follow the well-dressed officer. He led Valkyrie into a complex of hallways and small rooms. They paused outside B12 and she walked in, but the policeman didn't follow.

Inside B12, Officers Midwood and Harvey leaned against the bare wall, while Skulduggery sat at a desk in the middle of the room, using a telephone with a looped cord. It was a very plain sort of space; whitewashed walls and basic grey carpet. The only furniture was the desk and chair Skulduggery occupied, and a small stool in the corner. Valkyrie was glad to see there were no one-way windows; they didn't need any more supervision.

"Ms Her," Officer Harvey's voice was sharp. "Take a seat." She pointed to the stool.

"Take it where?" Valkyrie asked politely.

Two eyebrows lifted in synchronisation; one plucked blond one, and one bushy brown.

"Please sit down, Stephanie." It wasn't a request.

Valkyrie nodded in that easy-going, good-natured way people do when they don't really know what you mean. She went to the stool in the corner and sat on it, facing the wall, like a child in the naughty corner.

She heard the distinct sound of a face-palm, and tried not to snicker.

Three minutes later, Valkyrie settled into position at the desk with Skulduggery, who hung up the phone. "I've spoken to Mr Bespoke," he announced.

"And?"

"He's busy. He told me to call Tanith."

"He's _busy?!_ Right, when we get back, we are going to have a _talk_ with him -"

"Stephanie," Skulduggery interrupted. "I'm going to call Geoffrey."

Skulduggery turned back and began to dial. "Call Dexter," Valkyrie suggested. "We don't need Geoffrey yet, he's more of a last-resort. Call Dexter."

The skeleton sighed at her and began dialling again. "Hello?"

A pause. "You mean after all these years, you don't recognise my voice? Dexter, I'm - you what? No, this is more important than whatever you're doing. Stephanie and I, no, _shh!_ Stephanie and I were out last night, and we ran into a spot of bother with the police - no, regular old police, no other detectives, yes, _police._ Oh for Heaven's sake, ask Erskine then! Are they what? Yes. The ones in uniform. Anyway, they didn't believe our names are Stephanie Her and Gordon Me. I know it's unlikely. We've been stopped enough times. The point is - I'm not interested that you're out of coffee! Pay attention! The point _is_, we don't have a shred of ID on us - what? No, we were incognito! V- Stephanie's still in her pyjamas!"

"And lovely pyjamas they are too," chimed in Valkyrie loudly, angling her voice towards the phone. Skulduggery turned to glare.

"He says he doesn't doubt it," the skeleton informed his partner, and turned away. "The police say you can bring us some ID. I suggest you ask - yes, the police. Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. We don't have the Bentley. Yes. No, not if he's busy - ask Anton. Well, if they all say so, you may as well talk to Mr Bespoke. He hung up straight away when I called earlier. Yes, the police lent us their phone. No, we didn't have _anything_ with us, I told you that before - I'd assume her twin has it. Mine is conspicuously absent. Yes, twin. Identical twin, too - like a reflection." Pause. "Yes, Dexter, that's what I meant. I _did_ say so. In the room with me? Stephanie and two Officers. Yes, exactly. Okay. See you soon."

"Bye!" called Valkyrie. Skulduggery held the phone away from his ear, and Valkyrie heard Dexter's muffled reply. Skulduggery hung up.

Awkward silence.

"Are you done contacting your family, Mr Me?" asked Officer Harvey.

"I am indeed," Skulduggery replied.

"We'll leave you in here, until a family member or friend arrives for you," said Officer Midwood, as the two officers stood and headed for the door. It shut behind them with a click, and Valkyrie knew instinctively it was locked.

"Now what?" she asked.

"Now, we wait."


	7. What's Inside Counts

"Skulduggery?"

"Yes, Valkyrie?"

"Waiting's boring."

He sighed. "Think deep, philosophical thoughts."

Valkyrie shrugged, and turned towards him from her position across the room where she'd been pacing. "I thought deep, philosophical thoughts last night. Nothing exciting happened until I realised that 'it's what's inside that counts' means the same thing as 'you are what you eat'."

Skulduggery didn't laugh, but his head tilted into a smile. "Does that make you a triple chocolate cookie?"

They settled into silence for another two minutes.

"Skulduggery?"

"Yes, Valkyrie?"

"Why don't we use magic to get out?"

"Because we're in a police station, Valkyrie."

"But what are we waiting for? I thought Geoffrey Scrutinous wasn't coming."

Skulduggery nodded sagely. "He isn't. Dexter said he and Ghastly will come with our escape vehicle."

"So we have to wait?"

"Yes, Valkyrie."

This time, she made it almost three and a half minutes before bursting out: "Skulduggery?"

He sighed. "What?"

"How long will they take?"

"I don't know. Wait and see."

"But how will we know when they're here?"

"Listen for the sound of a far-too-obvious birdcall. Or possibly an explosion. Then we know they've arrived."

Valkyrie nodded slowly, and they lapsed back into silence. Skulduggery looked at her. "I can tell you're about to say or do something annoying, so get it over with."

"Skulduggery, waiting's boring."

"Oh, for the love of God..."

...

In the end, Valkyrie and Skulduggery were clued in to Dexter and Ghastly's appearance by a vehicle. The purring sound of an engine in the distance grew and grew outside the station. It reached a climax and then shut off completely. Valkyrie's ears perked.

"That's Tanith's motorbike," she said. "I'd know that sound anywhere."

Skulduggery's head tilted dubiously. "Tanith, Ghastly and Dexter are all on the one bike?"

"We're about to find out, aren't we?"

Skulduggery strode to the door and pushed. It remained sturdy under the skeleton's hand, but a column of well-placed air sent the door flinging open. Valkyrie and Skulduggery piled out into the corridor and headed left at random. They passed rows of doors, but not a window was to be seen - nor a door leading to an exit. A fire escape would have been welcome, but one did not appear.

Once it became clear that there would be no back exit, Skulduggery cursed impressively. "We're going to have to improvise. Be ready."

"I'm always ready. Except when I'm asleep, or when I have to -"

"- acting a little strangely. She seems quite young for this kind of work, if it's true at all. I wonder if it's not a ploy, but there seems to be no motive, or even crime, aside from the trespassing."

Footsteps. Just down the hall, from where the two had come. Clearly, the voice was discussing Valkyrie. Another person spoke.

"All very odd stuff. The relatives have arrived, and they don't even want to talk to them! One of them's even refused to come into the station -"

The steps drew nearer.

Skulduggery snatched Valkyrie's collar and dragged her back. They silently hurried down the corridor, away from the voices, never turning their backs. This proved to be a mistake.

A third police officer was backing out of a room slowly, pausing to speak with the occupant. Luckily, she had her back to the detectives, but they wouldn't remain undetected for long - the voices from down the hall were closing in.

_Trapped._

* * *

Ghastly stood by the counter with Tanith, who was smiling, apologising and lying through her teeth. Playing for time. Tanith spoke to the officer on duty.

"No, really, it's fine," she said with a beam. "We'll wait out here while you look over the documents we provided." She winked. A little over the top, Ghastly thought, but she was meant to be a distraction. He wandered over to the water cooler, reaching surreptitiously into his front pocket.

"Ma'am, we haven't received any documents from you," the officer at the desk said. Tanith threw her head back and laughed majestically.

"Of course not, love," she said.

"No, really, we haven't."

Tanith stopped laughing, and Ghastly turned away from the water cooler, sipping his drink. He turned and sat down on one of the seats, by a plastic plant.

"What do you mean? I gave them to you before."

"When?"

"Just now!"

"When?"

"Before!"

"Ma'am, I'm afraid -"

The water cooler exploded brilliantly. Tanith took off down the hall at a sprint, yelling "_I killed Sirius Black. Hahaha!_"

Ghastly legged it outside, where Dexter sat on the motorbike, crammed up against the handlebars. "Who exploded?" he asked. "Where are the others?"

"Oh, shut up," Ghastly told him. He sat behind Dexter and they waited.

* * *

As soon as they heard the explosion, Skulduggery grabbed Valkyrie's collar and shot upwards. The officer ahead of them, the woman, spun around in confusion as Valkyrie did her best to choke quietly, hanging by her collar just above the officer's eye level. Skulduggery shifted her onto his back so she didn't die a horrible death,and they continued to hover in silence. The officer sprinted in the direction of the reception, and a few seconds later they heard her yell, _"who are you?"_

"They're coming!" shrieked a familiar voice. "Men in black ski masks! They blew up the bloke at the counter! Run for your lives!" Tanith appeared, moving fast, and Valkyrie waved frantically to get her attention, but Tanith passed them by without an upwards glance.

Valkyrie was starting to think they would _never_ get out of here, when Tanith appeared from the other direction, running along the wall. She ran upwards and crossed the ceiling, and found herself face to face with Skulduggery and Valkyrie (although Tanith was the only one upside down). "Gah!" Tanith blurted in surprise, then clapped a hand across her mouth as a policeman rounded the corner and stood directly underneath them, slowly revolving. Searching. For them.

Promising herself that she could laugh about it later, Valkyrie searched the area for an escape route. Floor- obviously not. Left and right - chances were they'd be seen. Crossing her fingers, Valkyrie glanced upwards.

There.

_Skylight._

**...**

**Thank you, folks. Coming up next chapter: the Great Escape. Hope you liked this one. Only one or two more to go - and I like, mean it this time. And stuff. :/**


	8. The Great Escape

**As promised, the Great Escape. I don't own SP.**

* * *

Nudging Skulduggery with her shoulder, Valkyrie pointed to the skylight they hovered just underneath. He nodded slightly, and Tanith gave a big thumbs up. grinning at the clouds below her feet. Skulduggery drifted closer to the ceiling, silently examining the glass pane for a latch or opening. Valkyrie kept her eyes on the police officer below them. He was turning slowly, puzzled, searching for his target but never thinking to glance upward. She turned around in Skulduggery's arms. _Hurry up,_ she mouthed at him. Only a matter of time before the bloke realised.

Skulduggery tapped her shoulder, indicating a small latch tucked into the corner of the skylight. He passed her to Tanith so that he could use both hands. Skulduggery worked the latch for a good minute - it was stiff, and why wouldn't it be? Nobody uses skylights - but eventually he pushed the panel and it swung open outwards...

...just as the sun came out from behind a cloud, throwing their shadows into stark clarity.

Valkyrie and Tanith dived through the skylight and left, Skulduggery shot skywards and disappeared into the clouds, and the officer gave a shout for someone to fetch a ladder. Tanith tiptoed across the roof and nudged the glass pane closed with her toe, while Valkyrie sat blinking in the brightness. On the roof, it was a different world - bright and sloped and open to the sky. Valkyrie glanced around, noting their surroundings: the police station was three floors on one side of the building, and just one on the other, which was where they sat. This was bad because the building rose up behind them, windows faced them, and they could be seen in a matter of seconds. Sure enough, a face at the window: Officer Harvey. She squinted at the fugitives and turned away from the window - to alert someone else, Valkyrie assumed.

"Tanith," she hissed, and pointed to the second and third storey windows.

Tanith looked dutifully alarmed. "Where's Skul?" she asked, using the hated nickname.

"I'm here," said his voice from behind Valkyrie, and none of them hesitated. Tanith led the way across the sloped roof, towards the get-away vehicle, and they ran for it as the clouds closed over the sun.

...

They didn't bother to be cautious. There had been an explosion, and sirens wailed, and people were running and shouting. They reached the edge of the roof, and Tanith ran down the wall, and Valkyrie and Skulduggery jumped, softening their landing with the air. They sprinted into the car park, and there was Tanith's motorbike, already occupied by two rather large Dead Men. Tanith jumped on and pressed herself up against Ghastly, and Valkyrie squeezed herself uncomfortably behind Tanith - there was barely any seat left - and Skulduggery sat behind her, practically hanging off the back.

Valkyrie let herself laugh as the poor bike strained to get them moving. Five people on one bike? The situation was ridiculous. The pulled out onto the road and floored it away from the police station - out of trouble once again, although Valkyrie was getting a painful wedgie, and they were on the receiving end of some strange looks by others on the road. The others on the bike looked unfazed - Valkyrie supposed that the Dead Men would have done far worse, and Tanith was probably enjoying it. Valkyrie saw her blow a kiss to some bloke who gaped at them from his Jeep as the overcrowded bike sped past.

...

"Yes, sir, that's exactly what happened. According to Officer Jonesbridge, Stephanie and Gordon escaped via the skylight on the first floor... I'm not sure. Whatever apparatus they had was invisible, because they seemed to be floating, and the family member, the blonde one, she was upside down on the roof. Yes, the skylight's been closed. ... I'm sorry, sir? No, nobody was injured, although we may have to invest in another water cooler. Yes, probably. ...Pardon? Oh, yes, we were called in to a property out on the western side, the owner wanted them fined for trespassing - well, it seemed harmless to me, sir, but you know how these people are." Officer Harvey smoothed her hair back and spoke into the phone again. "Yes, sir, I agree. But we've checked for the family who came to provide ID, as the trespassers didn't have any, and they've gone - nothing in the car park, nothing left on the roof... Really, sir? Honestly, that's a relief - I didn't want to go chasing two people all over Ireland just for trespassing... yes, well, I'm sure he'll forget all about it soon enough. He seemed the type to forget... sorry? Oh, yes, of course - thank you, sir. Goodbye."

Officer Harvey hung up he phone and headed back to her desk.

...

They pulled up outside Valkyrie's house. Gratefully, she hopped off the bike, and Skulduggery flew her up to her bedroom window so she didn't have to waddle. The reflection opened the window for them, and Valkyrie crawled in, flopping down on her bed. Skulduggery waved her goodbye and disappeared. Valkyrie regarded the reflection. The whole adventure felt like a dream.

"You would not believe what I've done since I left," she said.

The reflection nodded. "And all in your pyjamas."

* * *

**Finito. T****hanks, everyone, for all your support! I'm so excited to have finished a multichap fic! My first ever completed one - this is a milestone. It's also why I usually write one-shots. **

**Thank you so much to MehScrewIt for all your support, reviews and the idea for The Wings We Lack. This fic is dedicated to you.**


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